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From the Lighthouse Keeper

Dear Lighthouse Keeper,

My wife is living with dementia and I would like to keep her at home for as long as I can before we consider a move into a community setting. Someone at my support group told me that I shouldn’t wait. How do I know when its “time”?

Sincerely, A Struggling Spouse

Dear Struggling,

Thank you so much for asking the question. It might not feel comforting but I assure you that this is one of the most common struggles for spouses who are caring for their loved one who is living with dementia.

There are a few things to consider when asking yourself this question. We’d like to preface this by saying that it is a very logical approach to a very personal and emotional decision.

Please know that although this is one of the hardest decisions you may ever make, the hardest part is making the decision. Be gentle with yourself, and with your loved one. No one asks for this, and it definitely isn’t what anyone had planned.

Some Tips to Help Keep Moments Meaningful

Never Argue, Instead Agree. Never Reason, Instead Divert. Never Shame, Instead Distract. Never Lecture, Instead Reassure. Never ask “Do you Remember”, Instead Reminisce. Never Say “I Told You”, Instead Repeat/Regroup. Never say “You Can’t”, Instead, Do what they can. Never Command/Demand, Instead Ask/Model. Never Condescend, Instead Encourage. Never Force, Instead Reinforce.

Ask us your questions! Email

With Love,
Leslie Elvebak-Powell
The Keeper of the Lighthouse